I’m loving this. It’s tricky. We are celebrating a wedding with the least amount of ceremony as possible. You’ve noticed there has been no procession. There is not standing up for the Bride to enter. The father has not come down the aisle with the daughter to hand over the female to the next significant male in her life.
I’m loving this because it forcing us to think about marriage in a different way. A marriage is not a ceremony. A marriage is a covenant.
By the way, that’s another reason I’m loving this. Simon has done all the work unpacking this idea of Marriage as Covenant. Drawing from his God-given imagination and from Scripture, he’s outlined the essential elements of a covenantal relationship: to be ever-lasting, ever-faithful and ever-affirming.
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We are celebrating a wedding with the least amount of ceremony as possible. It’s forcing us to think about marriage in a different way.
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Can I let you in on another reason I’m loving this? I’ve just finished a week of summer camp with children. I have spent the last 5 days adjusting moment by moment to the whims and needs of primary school aged people, and it’s drained me.
There is very little ceremony today though. And that’s easier for me because ceremony takes energy. I learned to do weddings under the mentorship of Rev. Andrew Wong and one thing I picked up is that, during the rehearsal, he only stay for one run through the ceremony once. You want to practice walking down the aisle a few times to get the timing right (sync to the music). Go ahead…on your own time. He does one run through. You do whatever you want after that.
I actually run it though twice. That’s because I feel the pressure of the ceremony. For me to feel better about it, I need to run through everything more than once.
This time it was easy. There’s so little ceremony. I’m loving this because: Marriage is not a ceremony.
Marriage is a covenant. And I’m teamed up with Simon, who is more capable than I at getting to the heart and expressing the essentials of covenant. Me, I’d chase around the point for too long. And after a week of summer camp, I’d probably be rambling on about some story that may or may not be that relevant. That’s not what you want, and there’s no worries because Simon’s got that point covered.
Marriage is a covenant.
I am just going to complete the sandwich by saying that marriage is not a contract. Not a ceremony; not a contract; covenant in between. That’s the sandwich I want you to imagine. You and I get to eat soon.
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Marriage is a covenant.
Not a ceremony; not a contract;
it’s a covenant, in between.
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Imaginary sandwich
We are not here to witness the signing of a piece of paper.
That would be tradition. In a traditional wedding we have the signing of a legal document in front of many witnesses. This gives the false impression that the signing of the document is the most important thing. I’ve caught myself saying it: “If you forget the marriage license, it’s no longer official.”
Marriage is not a contractual agreement.
In a marriage retreat Pam and I went to recently the theme was “Oneness”. Marriage is a unique relationship based on connection:
Relational oneness (all people, with our friends)
Emotional oneness (rarer gift, to have other who feel)
Physical oneness (Christian marriage, exclusive)
Spiritual oneness (invisible connection with God)
Marriage is about this oneness. It’s not a contractual agreement.
And to make this point I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m loving this by the way. Only in a non-traditional wedding, and only because I know Tim and Debbie are strict pacifists, could I ever hope to get away with this.
You were going to sign this [marriage contract] discretely but you don’t need to do that today. In fact you don’t need to do that at all.
Rip!
Gasp!
I said this was going to cost you!
Just remember I could have torn the real one up. Not just because you are strict pacifists and wouldn’t attack me. It’s really because signing this doesn’t make you married. It’s acknowledging the covenant. It’s working daily to strengthen the connection.